Jardonn's Erotic Tales - Jasper McCutcheon - Uncle Jasper's Five-fingered Bedtime Stories
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My life with Margaret, Patricia, and all of their friends.
AFTER THE BANQUET
It's Margaret and Dr. Pat's 10-year anniversary, and Jasper is invited to meet new prospects.
The Three Count (25:22) - An unfair wrestling match -- four women versus one man -- guess who the man is.
The Life of a King (18:33) - Bennie gets her first encounter with a real-live penis, and then she joins the other three in showing Jasper their appreciation.
The girls introduce Jasper to a well-to-do couple who like to play in their swimming pool.
Smell of a Man (21:18) - Every body sweats sooner or later. Includes ad for Pink Flamingo.com
Touch and Taste of a Man (20:19) - Swimming beneath the moonlight brings out the animal in all of us.
The First-ever Margaret & Patricia Broadcast!
Jasper moves into a duplex hoping to get some peace and quiet, but the two ladies living next door have other plans for him.
Margaret's Workout Room (18:12) - At least one of Jasper's neighbors likes to swing both ways.
Jasper Humbled (15:52) - Margaret rides Jasper's baloney pony to nurse his injured back.
The Home Office (21:45) - Sandwich therapy -- Margaret is the meat, Jasper and Patricia are the bread.
Dr. Pat's Evil Machine (20:06) - Margaret takes control of the action to give Jasper his well-deserved reward. Episode closes with a Jasper song.
One Part (24:40) - Jasper helps a lonely woman break out.
PAINTING WITH LIPS & TONGUE
One Part (19:20) - She loves to suck dick, if only she knew how. Dedicated to my pal, Gary: I'll miss you, my friend. It's cocktail hour. Say hello to Jack for me.
One Part (20:22) - Jasper, Margaret and Patricia have their first major confrontation. Alternate title: How to Go from Hero to Heel and What to Do About It.
One Part (14:12) - Margaret plans to tell her family over the holidays that Patricia is her life partner, but Jasper thinks it unwise. (Note: the other episode to which he refers is now called Brush Strokes.)
THE $250 LOIN CLOTH
One Part (19:21) - Patricia and Margaret nearly split over a religious misunderstanding.
Bennie returns to traumatize Jasper.
The Breakdown (18:40) - Jasper argues with an idiot before realizing he's the idiot for arguing with an idiot.
The Breakup (21:31) - Bennie puts on a good show.
(reworked March 2008)
Before Margaret and Patricia came along, Jasper tried to thaw the most frigid woman at his workplace.
Show Me Your City (12:40) - Jasper takes on Big Cal for pecking order at the loading docks, then asks Nina for a date.
Take Her, Somebody, Please (14:24) - Nina's hungry for a man and her tongue will not be satisfied.
A trip to the Amish community brings out the worst in Jasper, which can only lead to a tiff with Margaret and Patricia.
Locked Out (20:12) - Tempted at an interstate rest stop, Jasper succumbs to the pressure.
Exhibition Expo (16:35) - The ladies put on their own style of public display.
THE ROOF OF MY MOUTH
Fixing a roof can be a pain in the ass. Thank god for sex breaks.
Sliding (20:43) - A freak accident turns Jasper into a freakish, helpless baby.
What a Dick (21:47) - The Neighborhood Homes ASSociation does not care for our new shingles.
Pussy Good, Pussy Bad (15:04) - How to get rid of a man who's a fat tub of guts with a sweaty, stinky ass.
IT WON'T FLUSH
Jasper and a pal do some plumbing.
Butch (15:03) - Margaret and Patricia's new toilet is a disappointment.
You're Going Nowhere (19:17) - Butch is paid handsomely for his installation.
Back in the days when fur was sparse, Jasper's lean and mean became the subject of classical discussion.
Painting with Chocolate (17:10) - Jasper poses in loin cloth so lady artist can paint his likeness into Athens.
The Basement Torture (14:04) - Next, she hangs him from her cross, and then rewards him upon her mattress for all his hard efforts.
Custom-made and scented candles
Check this out. Make search specific to your auto:
Jack's Insertions - A bloggish telling of nephew Jack's relationship with Frank and Laura Johnson
the other Jasper broadcast:
When I was younger, Uncle Jasper would come to visit my parents from time to time, and when he did he'd always tuck me in at night, then tell me a story. Uncle Jasper's stories always made me do things under the sheets. I don't know if he knew what I was doing, but now that I have a web site, I'd like to share my Uncle Jasper with you. After my cousin Jack and I bribed him with a case of bourbon, Uncle J. agreed to tell his tales for as long as the supply lasted. Don't worry, we are monitoring his intake and secretly hiding several bottles. We plan to keep him here until either he's finished talking or he croaks, whichever comes first. Jardonn, March 2006
Titles, images and scripts for "Uncle Jasper's Five-Fingered Bedtime Stories" are registered with the United States Copyright Office, copyrighted 2006-2015, with this web site, Jardonn's Erotic Tales.com, listed as creator and owner of the intellectual property. Uncle Jasper broadcasts are offered for personal use only. Jasper would love for you to share what you've heard with friends, but would prefer you send them here http://www.jardonnserotictales.com or give them the RSS feed. If you must reproduce, please write to the administrators of this web site for permission.
To request permission for reproduction, write to jaspmcc (at) jardonnserotictales.com and type "Reproduction Request" in the subject line.
More AUDIO MP3's
Scripted original tales and/or
excerpts from our books
Right-to-work Jerk (15:03)
From Jasper/Jardonn story, Penal Punishment Pay-per-view
A father explains how his son and he disagree on labor issues.
Touchless Love (10:12)
From Jardonn story, Good Shepherd
Two U.S. airmen in a Nazi POW camp
make due with facilities available.
Before that post:
From On High
a kinky twist on Greek mythology
1) Zeus' gift of mandick (16:20)
2) Desecration brings a bloody mess. (12:26)
Charlie's New Book
a torturous Jardonn love story
first written in 2006.
adapted for audio, ended 09-17
1) They meet (16:28)
2) They suck (15:53)
3) They set up the weekend (12:03)
4) The weekend begins (11:58)
5) The accident (12:24)
6) Reading while waiting (12:11)
From a Jardonn story,
the man who built the rack wants
to see if he can take it.
Crucified Clyde (19:42)
From Jasper's book, The Crux of It -
Erotic Tales of Men on the Cross and the
Women Who Put Them There.
Guess what. Clyde is primed for victimization,
on the cross with horny females present.
Hot Like Steam (15:13)
From the Depression-era novel, GRIT
by William Maltese and Jardonn Smith
A railroad engineer gets his dick sucked while
idling in the cab of his locomotive.
Going to Church (16:32)
From Jardonn's book, Danube Divide
Two Roman soldiers learn about the new religion
called Christianity via three-way man-sex.
Purging Rod (14:56)
From Jasper's book,
Celestial Bodies of the Hairy Gorilla-Men
Chimps and gorillas (or are they?) perform cruel experiments
on a hapless, bound, naked human male.
The Nosy Neighbor (13:24)
From Jardonn's book, Suspicious Diagnosis
Three men, one mirror, ropes, a bench,
and a disciplined order of authority
Elevated Lust (12:04)
From Jardonn's ebook Elevated Man,
it's a scene of homosex in a hotel-room bed.
Claude is Gawd (11:56)
From Jasper's book,
Celestial Bodies of the Hairy Gorilla-Men
a tribe of wild, savage, naked females assault hapless
but happy astronaut. Weapons used against him?
Digits, tongues, titties and twats.
If I'm not mistaken, this is the first
Jasper recording I ever made.
From Out of Nowhere (31:55)
From a Jardonn tale, one sex fiend and three
farmers are holed up in a hotel room.
From the Jardonn book Danube Divide
The Blue (30:29)
or... Welcome to Germania, You Roman Dog
A Roman is captured outside his encampment and taken
into the Germanic forest for interrogation.
From the Jardonn tale River of Emeralds
Two skinny-dipping workmen in a
1938 WPA camp discover that a mysterious force
in a Missouri Ozarks river has a fascination
with their wet willies.
From the Jasper Jurassic vaults
Erotic Paste of Africa (23:01)
Taken from a book I no longer promote because the publisher no longer pays, this is a scripted excerpt about a treasure hunter captured by a tribe of female warriors. They strip him, suspend him from a tree and rub him down with some boner-producing gunk, as Jack's overly-enthusiastic sound effects try Jasper's patience.
Posted August-December 2009:
Part One - The Hidey-Hole (19:25)
Part Two - A Penis in the Gaggle (11:47)
Part Three - Muddy Hair Pie (19:08)
Part Four - Cave Stew (12:58)
Part Five - The Dipping Room (09:09)
Part Six - Waggin' Wheelin' (17:58)
Part Seven - Spreadin' the Goop (21:34)
From Jardonn's Book, Danube Divide
In a tent, in a refugee camp with nothing to eat, two men and
one woman find erotic ways to pass the time and keep warm.
A favorite offering of kink-o-rama, posted 4-30-09:
Two females use their body parts
to assault man bound spread eagle on table.
From Jasper's book, The Crux of It,
Erotic Tales of Men on the Cross
and the Women Who Put Them There,
in paperback or ebook at Amazon
Pre-previous post - 4-13-09:
from Jardonn's contribution to the book
HARD WORKING MEN
A Lambda Literary Award Short-list Finalist
So long, long ago post - 1-14-09:
from Jardonn's Let's Get Medieval, The Bishop of Grunewald
Note: Some of these audios talk about books published by MLR Press. Those books either are no longer available or have since been self-published by me. All will eventually again be available in book form or free-to-read text stories somewhere on the web. Meanwhile, just because the originals are out of circulation doesn't mean you can't enjoy (or loathe) the audios made to promote them, and so here they will stay. Jardonn Smith, 04-01-15
Jasper highly suggests you download the free plug-in available at his Vile Vixens Video Theater. It is called Silverlight Media Player, image and link is found in the left-hand column, and it is the handiest tool we slobbering fanatics of freaky film could ever hope to find.
Some of my
The RSS for this broadcast:
GUT PUNCHING FARMER JOHN
(first posted...I think 2007? - found and reposted May 2015)
One Part (23:25) - In the Crosby barn, John hangs shirtless from his exercise rings, while his wife Ginny practices her boxing skills. Lucky Jasper gets to help by holding her heavy bag (John) steady.
THE ANNIE DOLL MANHANDLING
One Part (21:15) - A doctor invites Jasper to help him examine the doctor's wife. Much probing and double-impalement ensues.
SHE LIKES FUR
One Part (21:26) - Jasper and his pal are eaten alive by pal's wife.
One Part (18:51) - Jasper joins a man of the cloth, and together they cleanse his wife of her evil ways.
LOVE TO A FAULT
Denying Darlene (24:50) - Fred shows Jasper how to exploit his wife's insatiable appetite for both of them.
Dessert (19:36) - We lick her; she eats us.
LESSONS IN LUST
Lesson One (18:19) - Jasper receives his first professional blow job... courtesy of a talented and thoughtful man.
Lesson Two (28:29) - One bed, one female, one classroom with professor Navy John showing Jasper the ropes: Jasper's first professional screw.
DOING IT THE NAVY JOHN WAY
One Part (22:16) - Navy John and Jasper rescue a woman from her abusive boyfriend... and she thanks them most sincerely.
Watch (21:30) - Ginny and Jasper fornicate, while her husband, Farmer John, watches helplessly from his bench of torture.
Research (16:24) - Question: Can a man achieve orgasm with zero stimulation applied to his cock? Ginny and Jasper experiment on John, still on his torture bench.
Medicine (10:38) - The John and Ginny Crosby Theater of Pain
Relive (19:12) - Ginny and John re-enact for Jasper their first-ever screw.
Sandwich (18:42) - John and Jasper simultaneously fill Ginny's front hole and behind hole.
Wishbone (27:39) - John cheats; John pays with inverted, suspended stretching exercises. And no, neither Jasper nor Ginny counted his reps. They were too busy tormenting him.
Crux (22:55) - With minor adjustments, John is inverted and put into a crucifixion pose.
Appreciation (29:36) - You like me. You really like me!
BELLE EVA UNGER
Introduction to Belle Eva Unger (10:37) - Meet Jasper's cousin, who tells of her marriage and sets the stage for a peculiar tale to come.
Bud's Pud (18:38) - Unsatisfied, Belle Eva finds a second man for her bedroom activities.
Ostracized (16:31) - Belle Eva and Bud decide what to do with her husband.
Limbering It Up (18:40) - Anal play enlarges one man while shrinking the other.
What a Pisser (15:16) - Basement bondage intensifies the activity.
Donkey Konged (18:40) - Declining electrification of the gorilla.
Waxed and Sealed (20:09) - Ugly candles and pointy scissors bring an abrupt end to the proceedings.
Word for word readings from our books
(April - June 2010)
Jasper's version - manly man vs. vile queen
Available in Kindle E-book format at
AMAZON for $3.
Audios posted Thursdays until finished (done June 10)
Triumvirate 1 (26:06) - Standard torture in an unspecified dungeon of old Europe, featuring man on a back-breaker stretch rack.
Triumvirate 2 (10:00) - The club comes down on his belly with such force it knocks the hanky right off his pecker.
Triumvirate 3 (11:02) - As the torture of Davidius continues, Queen Miscreantia and her entourage drop in to check on Balstok's progress.
Triumvirate 4 (08:14) - Taking all three tortures at once, Davidius loses consciousness, and the queen loses patience with her hired interrogator.
Triumvirate 5 (07:42) - Celeas to the rescue? Maybe... maybe not. Meanwhile, Queen Miscreantia licks her lips in anticipation of her own dungeon strategery concerning Davidius, which also causes some drippage of labian (is that a word? yes it is because i say so) anxiety.
Triumvirate 6 (15:54) - The witless betrayer, Lyzelma, who for no good reason has a southern accent, is brought before the bound Davidius. After seeing Davidius reject his former lover's pleas for forgiveness, the queen has Lyzelma strapped to the Saint Andrew's cross so Davidius can see her brutally punished.
Triumvirate 7 (20:00) - Returned to bondage on the slab, Davidius is presented with six naked, heavenly-bodied females who promptly assault him with their fingers, lips and tongues.
Triumvirate 8 (13:29) - Queen Miscreantia brings the innocent Celeas into the dungeon to further torment Davidius by means of a screwing contest.
Triumvirate 9 (15:31) - Slow-moving Glauken finally enters the dungeon, after the queen's tormenting techniques switch from denying Davidius to milking him. Hug-hug, kiss-kiss, all's well that ends swollen.
Note: this concludes the audio portion of the story, but in the E-book version, the former queen and the new one have a battle of words through two more chapters. Link to see the book, read an excerpt and (if desired) purchase the book, is above in yellow text - Amazon.com.
THE TORTURED SECUTOR
(Nov. 2009 - Feb. 2010)
One of two stories in Jardonn book, Let's Get Medieval
Written for #1 Entertainment, #2 Erotica, as in manlove and hero worship, #3 Interest in ancient Rome
Part One - Greetings from the Elysian Fields, Ludus Magnus - (32:58) Philokrates the slave is brought to Rome for gladiatorial training, AD 270. All of this book as written is told by narrators in their afterlife.
Part Two - A Day for Vespasian - (43:18) Games of the arena to celebrate the 200-year anniversary of the Amphitheatrum Flavium ; told by Artimos in his afterlife
Part Three - Mine for Now - (23:48) Philo the gladiator is now a freedman, and he awakens in the home of his caretaker, Artimos. Philo's injuries, repairs and consequences are explained to him, but he defiantly asserts that he will again walk as a whole man. Told by Artimos in his afterlife.
Part Four - Persephone's Second Fidget - (15:46) A transitional to intrigue, as told alternatively by Artimos and Philo from their afterlife world.
Part Five - Ostia Harbor - (54:09) All right, you fans of heavy male punishment, this is where Philo stands up to some major, dungeon-style interrogation, and Artimos is forced to watch. Told mostly by Artimos from his afterlife world.
Part Six - Home Away From Home - (23:32) The escape back to Rome and the Ludus Magnus, where Artimos attempts to repair damage caused to Philo during his torture. Told by Philo from his afterlife world, and from the sounds of it, liquid spirits are part of holiday celebrations there same as here.
Part Seven - The Round Trip - (24:01) Artimos is summoned for a return trip to Ostia, in secret and by himself. Told by Artimos from his afterlife world.
Part Eight - Sporting Wet - (19:18) Philo tries to play romantic. The fool! I find it difficult to read with a straight face. Told by Philo from his afterlife world.
Part Nine - Lucky Bastard - (21:36) Ovid's funeral is held on the Ludus Magnus field of practice, and then Artimos visits Antonia for some very-necessary gossip. Told by Artimos from his afterlife world.
Part Ten - Natural Law - (25:58) A former business partner of Tacitus Galeo, his voice permanently damaged from much screaming, stops by to meet Philo and Artimos. Told by Philo from his afterlife world.
Part Eleven - Scipio Africanus - (24:48) Games of the arena honoring Scipio include a twist involving Emperor Aurelian. Told by Artimos from his afterlife world.
Part Twelve - A Gathering of the Good - (26:44) Antonia throws a party for Philo and Artimos at the Ostia Harbor Grain Exchange building. She's had it refurbished. What once was old and tired is now fresh and new, outfitted with materials coming from lands unknown. Its walls are painted with murals depicting emperors and generals -- some long-ago dead, some yet to be born. Attendees are Roman citizens -- some long-ago dead, some yet to be born, as Artimos and Philo conclude their tale by speaking from their AFTERLIFE WORLD. Everything's in tune (mind, yes -- voice, not so much)
Note: Part Twelve, posted February 10, ends the audio version of The Tortured Secutor. If you want to read the text rather than listen to me warble it, all chapters are posted at the web site, Aquadude Bunker.
(above mp3 files are 30MB or more... give your player time to load and play... I don't use on-board players.)
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Jardonn books & E-books
Click title links
He thought he was on Planet of the Apes, but it was a place far worse. Jasper's tale of macho men taking some kinky cruelty is at Amazon.
Erotic Tales from the Burrow, Book 1 in a series of 3.
Made for the Kindle E-Reader. Now atAmazon for $2.99
The paperback is now for Kindle. See on Amazon.com.
Pay-per-view - $4.59
Erotic Tales of Men on the Cross and the Women Who Put Them There
All hail the mighty cock.
Two Jardonn Stories
inside one book
The Tortured Secutor
The Bishop of Grunewald
Audios that fit no category, or dealt with
headlined issues long past.
Sly Drinner - I like Sly. We should invite him back sometime.
From Jasper to Jerry - A quick audio eulogy to the dearly departed.
Queer Eye, My Eye - Agent Frank interrupts the broadcast, thrills Jack, ires Jasper.
The Iraqi Gladiatorial League - Mike's frustration with military operations gives Jasper an idea for resolution.
The Hustler - A "cured" homosexual takes one for Jesus.
Wine or Whine? - That same homosexual interrupts Jasper's story.
Jasper say: Meditate with a feather.