Jardonn's Erotic Tales.com
Jardonn Yellow
Jasper White
July 18, 2008
After nearly a year of non-participation in the web site bearing my name, I've come back at Jack's suggestion so I could talk about my books past, present and future. He set us up for Gmail chat and will copy (and clean up, I hope) our text into this page. So, Hiya, Jasper... here I am.
Welcome back... I guess. Jack asked me to participate in this horseshit to make sure you don't get too self-important. I suppose you've noticed quite a few changes since we took over the site.
Sure. It's not as though I haven't looked at the site. Just that I don't log in to do anything with it. Noticed you've changed the font on most pages and background on some. Why don't you just do them all the same?
Ask Jack. I have nothing to do with that. Just audios. And don't lie. You've written stories for the site in the past year. The ones with those artist's panels.
True, but I didn't post them, just sent them in to Jack. Tell you something else I noticed. You haven't put out a book since November.
So?
So, what have you been doing with all your time? Uh, well, geez, I dunno... working 40 hours a week, making love to Margaret and Patricia, hanging out with John and Ginny, basking in the glow of my runner-up Diagram Award, recording audio excerpts for your frickin' books when I should be writing my next book and promoting myself. You know... nothing much. Wait a second... what's the Diagram Award? It's an annual award from a London publishing trades magazine for the most unusual book title. My "I Was Tortured By the Pygmy Love Queen" was one of the six finalists, and in a world-wide-web vote, mine came in second. Most unusual title? Wow, that's something to be proud of. I'm trying my best not to laugh. Hey, you can laugh all you want, but because of that little nomination my book and my name was mentioned in tons of newspapers like the London Times, New York Times, plus other media like the BBC and Good Morning America. Have you ever had your name or book listed in such prestigious places? No. Who's laughing now? Asswipe! Not I. Did it translate into massive sales of your book? Why should I tell you? You'd probably have me whacked thinking you'll collect on my life insurance or something. Rest assured, you are not in my will. You know what really hurts? No, what? Everything? That was originally my story. Big deal. I asked you fair and square. It was nothing of the sort by the time I finished with it... four times more story. Better story. Hell, I even brought him back to the island 60 years later so he could hook up with Gamay and live out the rest of his life in lustful bliss. That's when he discovered Wilma Huckabee's freakish offspring and thought he'd fathered it and Ok, fine. I read it. I know what you did to it. It was still my concept to begin with. Well, boo flaming hoo. Do you want me to count the number of stories I've told you that you twisted around to fit your homersexual fantasies and put into books? Let me start with Navy John. No, the hell with it. This is just like every chat I've ever done. Supposed to talk about my stuff and end up talking about everything but. I'm logging off. Tell Jack good luck on getting me to waste my time on this crap again. Oh, sure. Go ahead and sign out. You'll be back. You can't help yourself. You love yourself too much. I know you like the back of my hairy hand. Bye, my darling nephew... until next time. HA! And FYI, I've just submitted a manuscript about male crucifixion, and everything in it is 100% my ideas... men on the cross, women getting kinky with their helpless bodies... it's called... damn, he's gone. Such a weenie.
Jardonn
7-24-08...It's here! My first-ever participation in a multi-author collection.
8-05-08...Gosh, Jasper, allow me to borrow shamelessly from a Simpsons episode: Although there is no change in my patrician facade, I can assure you my heart is truly breaking. Meanwhile, Jack posted a texted excerpt from my short story included in the Hard Working Men book. You'll find it like this: click on the link below, confirm you're 18 years or older, which will land you on the Jasper main page. In the right hand column is a link for Jardonn's BDMD. Go there. It's the first story on the list, called The Apprenticeship. Here's your link Jardonn Excerpt 8-15-08... Good one, Jasper. Being the diplomat I am, let me say congrats and best of luck with your new book.
Meanwhile, Elisa Rolle has written a delightful review of Hard Working Men. Read it here, if you can handle it: REVIEW 9-12-08... I have no idea what you're talking about regarding the lipstick, but I am curious as to why Amazon says your book is temporarily out of stock while the sales ranking does not register any sales. Please explain. 9-18-08... I likey lots. Kink-o-rama! But, uh... hmm... don't I know that guy? 10-12-08... Well, whoever he is, he sure suffers handsomely. Sorry it took me awhile to get back to you. I've been researching this same area (not era) for my next book. I know what you're up to, and I very much appreciate it. So, while perhaps my exterior is Nero-like, my interior is more Augustus-like. I want to offer customers who buy your latest book a FREE copy of one of my books... autographed and mailed anywhere in the U.S. free of charge. Let me know and we'll work out the details. Ok? 10-13-08... It's a deal. However, I must exclude from the offer the four-author book, Hard Working Men, since that one involves three other authors and I don't have permission to give away their work. Any of my other titles can be part of the deal besides that one. Ok? And yes, run it through November 4. 11-13-08... Long time no post. Sometimes I get to working on a book and tend to shut out the rest of the world. Such is the case with this one. Hope to have it finished by end of year. I did watch the election. It's going to take a real brainiac to straighten out this mess, so I think we picked the right man. What's up with you, Jasper? Did anybody fall for your 2-for-1 crucifixion book deal? Jasper 7-30-08... Seems we've hit a glitch regarding my book. The title I want to use has been registered by someone else as a song, and whereas I've read the rules and same title for different media is not a conflict, the publisher is worried. So, I've come up with a new title, which means everything has to be changed, which means another delay in release of my book. Had you not forced me to mention I had one coming out there'd be no need for me to post this, but since you did I am. 8-08-08... Problems solved, my latest book is now on Amazon. This book has bigger fonts and wider margins for easier reading. It also has plenty of tough sonsabitches dazzling the females with their stretched-on-the-cross muscles. Ladies and gentlemen, (and Jardonn, ha!) my fourth book. 8-30-08... Good for you! You little turd. Ms. Rolle obviously has a touch of class of which you are tragically lacking. As for my book, do not concern yourself. Times is hard out there. People trying to get their kids back in school while dealing with high prices of everything, buying a book is near the bottom on their list of priorities. Besides, unlike you, I don't spend countless hours scanning the internet looking for news of myself. Whatever happens happens, as I boldly march forward to my next adventure. Try it sometime. Maybe you'll be less of a bitch. 9-9-08... Besides, I've spent little time cultivating an audience for my books, but that is about to change. And don't worry, I will continue to record audio snippets promoting your books when you ask me to do so. That way you can never accuse me of turning our little book competition into a smear campaign. I will not change. I will forever be the gracious and kind-hearted soul I've always been. To borrow from our Presidential candidates, you can put lipstick on Dan Quayle, but she's still Dan Quayle. 9-15-08... Why? Because I changed the cover. New one is above. Even though Amazon hasn't changed their page, anyone who now orders my book will get this picture on the front. It is titled, Flex to Breathe, Crucifixion on the City Walls of Hadrianopolis. You like? 9-23-08... No, the city of Hadrianopolis was rebuilt and named by Roman Emperor Hadrian around 120 CE, so unless you're a citizen from Empire days (which is possible... you do at times remind me of what is written of Nero) it is doubtful you know that crucified man. The modern city is called Edirne and is in western Turkey. Last I heard, they no longer crucify people there. 10-13-08... Oh, Jardonn, you're better than Augustus. You're closer to divine Augustus. Ok. Works for me. And I will add any of my other three Jasper books to the offer. Tell you what. Let's run our offer all the way through election day, November 4th. What say you? 10-13-08... Agreed. Hard Working Men is excluded. I'll write to Jack and have him set it up on our book page and wherever else he thinks is appropriate. Thanks, Jardonn. I like this idea. 11-14-08... Yes, they did, Jardonn. And thank you for helping with the promotion. Me? I tend to slow down as the holidays approach. Got a new book started, but not in a great rush to finish it. Just letting the characters talk to me when they want and putting their words down. Otherwise, I'm telling the Belle Eva story every two weeks and posting to my old-timey music blog every weekday. I agree with you on the election, but I believe things are going to get worse before they get better. Not his fault. Just that he can't do much until he takes office. Well, blow me down... that went swimmingly.
I'll just set it up where they can post individually
whenever they feel like it. Jack
Hard Working Men is four stories of blue-collar tough guys. Besides myself, contributing authors are Victor Banis, William Maltese and J.P. Bowie. It's now listed on Amazon. Click the title to see it.
Hard Working Men
8-27-08... Yes, Jasper, accidents do happen.
By the way, I see that as of this date on Amazon your new book has sold 0 (that's ZERO, NONE, NAYNE, NARYAONE) copies so far. Wow! You really hit all the right buttons with that one, Uncle J!
THE CRUX OF IT
Erotic Tales of Men on the Cross
and the Women Who Put Them There
The back is like blue smoke.
You can read text on our site's book page.
Available on Amazon
for $17.95
Click title for details
8-25-08... Thank you, Jardonn. I know your true nature. Buried deep inside somewhere is a bit of kindness. I'm always proud to be the beneficiary when you mess up and let some of it slip out.
